| Taoism | Shit Happens. |
| Confucianism | Confucius say, "Shit happens." |
| Buddhism | If shit happens, it isn't really shit. |
| Zen | What is the sound of shit happening? |
| Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| Islam | If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. |
| Protestantism | Let shit happen to someone else. |
| Catholicism | If shit happens, you deserve it. |
| Judaism | Why does shit always happen to us. |
| Agnosticism | What is this shit. |
| Atheism | I don't believe this shit. |
| Rastafarianism | Lets smoke this shit. |
| Christian Science | If shit happens it will clean itself up. |
| Mormonism | Our shit is cleaner than your shit. |
| Unitarianism | Everybody's shit is the same. |
| Televangelism | If you don't send money, shit will happen. |
| Hare Krishna | Shit happens, Ramma Ramma! |
| Jehovah's Witnesses | Let me in your house so I can tell you why shit happens. |
